Someone Please Fire Andrea Kassar's Ghostwriter
by Red Whine Supernova
The time has come for me to demand the immediate resignation of Andrea Kassar’s ghostwriter.
Our Senior Luncheon speech was my last straw. Eagerly perched at a shoddy folding table as she aligned upon the podium, I waited to be touched by another reference to a vaguely lesbian 90s anthem.
Imagine my disappointment when the Merwin House grapefruit metaphor was trotted out AGAIN (we’ve heard it in two speeches and one blog post).
I simply cannot hear about this grapefruit business one more time. It’s low hanging fruit. Literally and spiritually.
This is a plea to our wonderful Head of School directly: PLEASE fire your ghostwriter and give us a Commencement speech that does not reference any kind of citrus fruit. Give us a rendition of Closer to Fine (we’ll sing along). Read us some Bible versions. Debrief the Drake/Kendrick beef ON FRANK FIELD. But please, please, no more tired allegories.
Our Senior Luncheon speech was my last straw. Eagerly perched at a shoddy folding table as she aligned upon the podium, I waited to be touched by another reference to a vaguely lesbian 90s anthem.
Imagine my disappointment when the Merwin House grapefruit metaphor was trotted out AGAIN (we’ve heard it in two speeches and one blog post).
I simply cannot hear about this grapefruit business one more time. It’s low hanging fruit. Literally and spiritually.
This is a plea to our wonderful Head of School directly: PLEASE fire your ghostwriter and give us a Commencement speech that does not reference any kind of citrus fruit. Give us a rendition of Closer to Fine (we’ll sing along). Read us some Bible versions. Debrief the Drake/Kendrick beef ON FRANK FIELD. But please, please, no more tired allegories.
