Mrs. McGregor attempting to leave her home unnoticed; taken by local paparazzi
Disclaimer: all quotes, stories, and claims made in this article are fictional.
Among the conspiracy theories which run rampant across the Westridge campus, one rings with the most truth: Head of School Elizabeth McGregor’s faux British accent.
Anyone who has been within a thirty mile radius of Westridge school has heard the chilling ring of McGregor’s signature accent. “Oi, it’s chewsday innit” or “‘ello gaals,” many have heard over the equally overwhelming sound of freshmen making TikToks. Her accent in itself has a life of its own, giving McGregor authority she simply couldn’t hold if she sported the average South Pasadena drawl.
For this reason, these circulating rumours are threatening the very foundations of Westridge’s existence. Max E. ’21 reports her complete shock following the allegations.
“I can hardly understand her. Most of the time when she speaks all I hear is tea, crumpets, Dr. Who, Big Ben, crumpet crumpet Benedict Cumberbatch. Still, I understand the female empowerment she communicates--it’s mesmerizing! Without it, I believe the school would collapse, and therefore women as a species.”
I spoke with British Prime Minister Boris Johnson on Sunday to confirm these rumours. He has been keeping tabs on the issue since McGregor’s first appearance on Westridge campus (and possibly earth) in 2009. While he was difficult to make out, I managed to transcribe his response. “As ay Brit moiself, oi can confidently confeeam” he paused, smoothing his straw-like hair, “Elizabeth McGroigah has nevah set foot een thah commonwealth” explained Johnson.
So the question is: what is her true accent? Many are searching desperately for answers in this time of immense uncertainty.
Anonymous faculty and staff at Westridge School have reported a mixed response, but we received one reliable source from Katie Sivers--Westridge’s favorite and only photography teacher.
“I remember once, I was walking in the photo lab to take a look at my negatives when I overheard a strange yet familiar New Jersey accent coming from the back of the lab. I was so shocked when I discovered it was Liz McGregor that I nearly tripped over the students making out in the corner,” explained Sivers.
McGregor declined to comment on the issue, and Mr. McGregor chased me down the street playing the British National Anthem on his bagpipes. We will continue reporting on the issue, along with the BBC and CNN.
Note: This article is dedicated to my best friend Sosi D. ’21 as her birthday approaches.
Among the conspiracy theories which run rampant across the Westridge campus, one rings with the most truth: Head of School Elizabeth McGregor’s faux British accent.
Anyone who has been within a thirty mile radius of Westridge school has heard the chilling ring of McGregor’s signature accent. “Oi, it’s chewsday innit” or “‘ello gaals,” many have heard over the equally overwhelming sound of freshmen making TikToks. Her accent in itself has a life of its own, giving McGregor authority she simply couldn’t hold if she sported the average South Pasadena drawl.
For this reason, these circulating rumours are threatening the very foundations of Westridge’s existence. Max E. ’21 reports her complete shock following the allegations.
“I can hardly understand her. Most of the time when she speaks all I hear is tea, crumpets, Dr. Who, Big Ben, crumpet crumpet Benedict Cumberbatch. Still, I understand the female empowerment she communicates--it’s mesmerizing! Without it, I believe the school would collapse, and therefore women as a species.”
I spoke with British Prime Minister Boris Johnson on Sunday to confirm these rumours. He has been keeping tabs on the issue since McGregor’s first appearance on Westridge campus (and possibly earth) in 2009. While he was difficult to make out, I managed to transcribe his response. “As ay Brit moiself, oi can confidently confeeam” he paused, smoothing his straw-like hair, “Elizabeth McGroigah has nevah set foot een thah commonwealth” explained Johnson.
So the question is: what is her true accent? Many are searching desperately for answers in this time of immense uncertainty.
Anonymous faculty and staff at Westridge School have reported a mixed response, but we received one reliable source from Katie Sivers--Westridge’s favorite and only photography teacher.
“I remember once, I was walking in the photo lab to take a look at my negatives when I overheard a strange yet familiar New Jersey accent coming from the back of the lab. I was so shocked when I discovered it was Liz McGregor that I nearly tripped over the students making out in the corner,” explained Sivers.
McGregor declined to comment on the issue, and Mr. McGregor chased me down the street playing the British National Anthem on his bagpipes. We will continue reporting on the issue, along with the BBC and CNN.
Note: This article is dedicated to my best friend Sosi D. ’21 as her birthday approaches.