Disclaimer: you guessed it! All quotes, stories, and claims made in this article are fictional.
In a shocking end to the election, an area senior has single handedly finished counting Nevada’s absentee ballots after turning in all of her college applications. The senior, who preferred to remain anonymous, submitted every last one of her Early Action Common App applications by November 1st. With those out of the way, the senior said she had about 23 more hours
of free time each day, leaving her wondering what to do with this ample freedom.
“I tried roller skating, but it wasn’t exactly for me. I have to keep some dignity,” said the senior. With the recent presidential election, she figured she would instead help some of the slower states count their ballots. With her recently acquired roller skating skills, the senior hopped into her skates, grabbed her TI-84 Plus Texas Instruments Calculator, and rolled all the way from Arcadia, CA, to Reno, NV.
“It was a tough trip,” she articulated. “I had to stop at an Urgent Care along the way to be treated for road burn, hypothermia, and an armadillo attack, all injuries I sustained during my trip. But it was worth it. Counting those ballots all day was one of the best times of my life.” Needless to say, this area senior does not get out much.
Upon arriving in Nevada, the senior was ushered to an official ballot-counting site, where she was told to count maximum one ballot an hour. “Nevada doesn’t get a lot of attention,” said a Reno poll worker. “To be honest, this was entirely calculated. If slowing down an entire country’s election is what it takes to get a little recognition, dare I say limelight, we are up for the challenge.”
With the help of the area senior, two other poll workers, and a stray tumbleweed, Nevada finished counting their state ballots three days after the election, setting a worldwide record for “most dedicated attention seekers.”
In a shocking end to the election, an area senior has single handedly finished counting Nevada’s absentee ballots after turning in all of her college applications. The senior, who preferred to remain anonymous, submitted every last one of her Early Action Common App applications by November 1st. With those out of the way, the senior said she had about 23 more hours
of free time each day, leaving her wondering what to do with this ample freedom.
“I tried roller skating, but it wasn’t exactly for me. I have to keep some dignity,” said the senior. With the recent presidential election, she figured she would instead help some of the slower states count their ballots. With her recently acquired roller skating skills, the senior hopped into her skates, grabbed her TI-84 Plus Texas Instruments Calculator, and rolled all the way from Arcadia, CA, to Reno, NV.
“It was a tough trip,” she articulated. “I had to stop at an Urgent Care along the way to be treated for road burn, hypothermia, and an armadillo attack, all injuries I sustained during my trip. But it was worth it. Counting those ballots all day was one of the best times of my life.” Needless to say, this area senior does not get out much.
Upon arriving in Nevada, the senior was ushered to an official ballot-counting site, where she was told to count maximum one ballot an hour. “Nevada doesn’t get a lot of attention,” said a Reno poll worker. “To be honest, this was entirely calculated. If slowing down an entire country’s election is what it takes to get a little recognition, dare I say limelight, we are up for the challenge.”
With the help of the area senior, two other poll workers, and a stray tumbleweed, Nevada finished counting their state ballots three days after the election, setting a worldwide record for “most dedicated attention seekers.”