Disclaimer: all claims made in this article are fictional.
During remote learning, we Westridge students were blessed with Wednesdays during which we did not have to use our brains. These Wednesdays split the week up and give us time to relax, do homework we procrastinated on, and not fall apart from stress. The ugly side of these blessed Wednesdays is that when we have long weekends, the shorter weeks throw the good Wednesdays away. These horrid weeks are called compressed weeks, characterized by immense stress levels, frustration, and sadness.
But there is something you may not know yet. Compressed weeks don’t just compress your happiness and brain function, they slowly compress you. Don’t freak out, you are simply shrinking.
After hearing this terrifying news, I decided to channel my inner woman in STEM to graph my height throughout a compressed week. Here are my findings:
During remote learning, we Westridge students were blessed with Wednesdays during which we did not have to use our brains. These Wednesdays split the week up and give us time to relax, do homework we procrastinated on, and not fall apart from stress. The ugly side of these blessed Wednesdays is that when we have long weekends, the shorter weeks throw the good Wednesdays away. These horrid weeks are called compressed weeks, characterized by immense stress levels, frustration, and sadness.
But there is something you may not know yet. Compressed weeks don’t just compress your happiness and brain function, they slowly compress you. Don’t freak out, you are simply shrinking.
After hearing this terrifying news, I decided to channel my inner woman in STEM to graph my height throughout a compressed week. Here are my findings:
Interpret this however you wish. I've shrunk so much that I can barely reach my doorknob. You can’t deny that Westridge is hiding something from us, and before we get too small, we need to fight back.