Disclaimer: all claims made in this article are fictional.
Last week, students, college counselors, and CS majors alike panicked as the UC Application homepage came up with an error code. Hoards of blurry-eyed college applicants took to Twitter, ready to commiserate and discuss the larger implications of the failing college admissions system.
University of California Admissions tweeted “The UC application is currently experiencing an outage. We are investigating how to resolve the issue as quickly as possible. Thank you for your patience.” It’s a surprise this tweet was not flagged, because what the account failed to mention was that the outage was the result of a rogue Pfizer vaccine recipient.
When upcoming actor Hugh Grant first received the vaccine in late November, he began to experience strange symptoms immediately. First came the deterioration of his accent, then the sweaty eyes, and lastly, emu-ification.
He stumbled onto a Spirit Airlines flight to Oakland, California on November 25th, experiencing only the first two symptoms. As the flight neared the U.S., Grant began to fully transform into an emu. Customs officials thought it best to quarantine him at the UC Headquarters, which lie adjacent to the Oakland airport (concern #2: airplane fumes must really be getting to those UC website engineers).
The following two days were a blur; Grant essentially took over the Headquarters, disabling computers and mixing up applicants’ test scores. Grant’s rampage led to an anti-vax movement among Generation X, who were mostly pro-vaccine until this event. Needless to say, the application deadline had to be pushed.
Last week, students, college counselors, and CS majors alike panicked as the UC Application homepage came up with an error code. Hoards of blurry-eyed college applicants took to Twitter, ready to commiserate and discuss the larger implications of the failing college admissions system.
University of California Admissions tweeted “The UC application is currently experiencing an outage. We are investigating how to resolve the issue as quickly as possible. Thank you for your patience.” It’s a surprise this tweet was not flagged, because what the account failed to mention was that the outage was the result of a rogue Pfizer vaccine recipient.
When upcoming actor Hugh Grant first received the vaccine in late November, he began to experience strange symptoms immediately. First came the deterioration of his accent, then the sweaty eyes, and lastly, emu-ification.
He stumbled onto a Spirit Airlines flight to Oakland, California on November 25th, experiencing only the first two symptoms. As the flight neared the U.S., Grant began to fully transform into an emu. Customs officials thought it best to quarantine him at the UC Headquarters, which lie adjacent to the Oakland airport (concern #2: airplane fumes must really be getting to those UC website engineers).
The following two days were a blur; Grant essentially took over the Headquarters, disabling computers and mixing up applicants’ test scores. Grant’s rampage led to an anti-vax movement among Generation X, who were mostly pro-vaccine until this event. Needless to say, the application deadline had to be pushed.