The college process generates a lot of anxiety on the Westridge campus each year. But what are seniors actually doing? Aside from keeping our grades up, allotting time each night for an existential crisis, and beginning to say goodbye to our friends and family forever, we’ve also been writing supplemental essays. Some colleges require or suggest writing supplemental essays to demonstrate how you would be a contributing member of their university. We’ve spent copious hours editing, perfecting, cutting, drafting, rewording, and (finally) sending these essays over the course of the past few months. Now, at the beginning of January, most of us are done! We decided there’s no better way to celebrate the end of our college process than with some fake college supplements, responding to real prompts we answered for our applications.
What inspires you? 200 characters.
Downing gallon jugs of milk. Listening to Fox & Friends in podcast form the day after it airs. The development of the modern fire hydrant. Tractor-trailers. Bon Jovi. Supply-side economics. Tourists.
What inspires you? 200 characters.
Downing gallon jugs of milk. Listening to Fox & Friends in podcast form the day after it airs. The development of the modern fire hydrant. Tractor-trailers. Bon Jovi. Supply-side economics. Tourists.
List the titles of the required readings from academic courses that you enjoyed most during secondary/high school. 150 words max.
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
What is the most significant challenge that society faces today? 50 words.
The resurgence of low rise jeans. Our willingness to disregard comfort in exchange for “style” appalls me. The only path to progress is a 10” minimum rise. I have seen the solution in action through my extensive online shopping during class, and I know that with empathy, we can create change.
At [school name], our students frequently interact with policymakers and world leaders. These experiences and those of our alumni can shape the future of global affairs. If you had the power to change the course of history in your community or the world, what would you do and why? 250 words.
If I had the power to alter our collective past in order to forge a better future, I would go back in time and stop the song Dance Monkey from being released. How, you ask? Destroy the demo before it can be sent to producers? No. I would go back to the root of the issue: organized labor. I would visit every neolithic society and describe to them the chaos of capitalism and the social hierarchy that follows this invention. I would then play them a recording of Dance Monkey, the nail in the coffin. Dance Monkey is a direct product of an artist's need to produce popular content in order to make money off of the souls of the innocent. If capitalism and, heck, organized settlements never existed, neither would this song that haunts my every waking moment. If you really think about it, which I imagine you are, keeping our species nomadic and unconcerned with the business of owning a home or having a credit score would knock out, like, 400 birds with one stone. Ultimately, the shrill trap beat of Dance Monkey plagues our society, and without it (and without the harmful structures that allowed it to exist), society would be much more advanced in areas that are actually important like berry collecting and fire-making. No hate to the artist, really good for her she really worked her way up and probably worked really hard for this moment.
Name one thing you are looking forward to experiencing at [school name]. 50 words.
Participating in the vibrant culture of competition. As a 5.0 student with no passions other than winning, I hope to explore my ruthlessness more deeply at [university]. In alignment with my personal aspirations, [university] funnels graduates into high-paying consulting jobs straight out of college, demonstrating an impressive commitment to the capitalist social structure.
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. 200 words.
I’ve loved working with kids since I was old enough to babysit. One day, I got a call from a mom asking me to watch her infant and toddler for a few hours. I was elated because she promised to pay me $10 an hour, and as a sophomore, I figured that would be enough to buy me one scrunchie at Urban Outfitters or something. So, I gladly agreed. Fast forward to Monday afternoon: I have hours of homework that I can’t start until I get home, I’m holding a bawling one-year-old who only stops crying if I feed him Trader Joe’s peanut-butter-filled pretzels every other two seconds and continuously bounce him (except I’m not actually sure if he’s old enough to eat solid food yet because if I bounce him he also starts to choke on the pretzels, so I’m performing very precarious calculations in my mind), the three-year-old is watching Elena of Avalor on the highest volume setting to block out her brother’s wailing, and I’m trying to make a bed with my foot so that I can put this baby down and give my back a break. This is where my passion for early childhood education began.
Based upon your exploration of [school name], what elements of the [school name] experience appeal to you? 100 words.
[School name] is ranked number one nationally for male student body with the most right swipes on Tinder. As I began my college search, I knew I wanted to find a school that would support me in my quest for love. Enter [school name]. The campus is lovely, but it also happens to have the most attractive male student body according to quantitative science. I know [school name] is the place for me because I’m a social butterfly, and I can see myself thriving at a college known for its party scene. Brandon 20, if you’re reading this, I’m on my way.
[School name] students are often known for their sense of humor and creative pranks. What do you like to do for fun? 400 words max.
I never have fun, and I’m frankly offended you would imply that kind of impropriety.
Please use these five sentences to describe yourself, your life, and your experiences that taken together form an accurate view of who you are and why the interdisciplinary nature of the [program name] appeals to you. 5 sentences, numbered.
(1) I’m 5’3 and I have brown hair. (2) My life is pretty sick. (3) I really enjoy spending time with my friends, family, and dog. (4) I had this one experience skinny dipping in Tahoe last summer that I think says a lot about me because it shows that I’m spontaneous. (5) I also really like planning, though.