Note: Dear Board, if you see this, please choose a young woman of color who wants to work closely with students.
In a thoughtful video to the Westridge community last month, Mrs. McGregor announced that she would retire at the end of next school year. Westridge will be very sorry to see her go, but her retirement creates new opportunities for the school to grow and change with its next leader. As the Board begins its search for a new Head of School, we hope they keep in mind the candidates Thursday Detention has vetted. These three have survived five rounds of interviews, a highly selective application process, and an in-depth background investigation. They are highly qualified, and they each value reflection, transparency, and progress. We present to you: Thursday Detention's top picks for next Westridge Head of School.
James Corden
What Westridge really needs right now is a middle-aged white man vaguely trying to do the right thing. In his performance in the Netflix-original “The Prom,” James Corden demonstrated his desire to be an “ally” to the Queer community. Although critics described his portrayal of gay men as insensitive, over-acted, and inappropriately flamboyant, I thought it was actually impressive considering he is a straight man with zero understanding of the LGBTQ+ experience and (I’m making an assumption here) no gay friends. He hit it out of the park, showing viewers a side to Queerness that they've probably never encountered before: a cis, white, GBF who enjoys wearing scarves, singing Broadway tunes, and shopping for clothes with the girls. He even used the classic one liner “I’m gay as a bucket of wigs.” Given his interest in advocating for LGBTQ+ rights, James will find no better shift in his career path than working for Westridge. Also, he is British.
James Corden
What Westridge really needs right now is a middle-aged white man vaguely trying to do the right thing. In his performance in the Netflix-original “The Prom,” James Corden demonstrated his desire to be an “ally” to the Queer community. Although critics described his portrayal of gay men as insensitive, over-acted, and inappropriately flamboyant, I thought it was actually impressive considering he is a straight man with zero understanding of the LGBTQ+ experience and (I’m making an assumption here) no gay friends. He hit it out of the park, showing viewers a side to Queerness that they've probably never encountered before: a cis, white, GBF who enjoys wearing scarves, singing Broadway tunes, and shopping for clothes with the girls. He even used the classic one liner “I’m gay as a bucket of wigs.” Given his interest in advocating for LGBTQ+ rights, James will find no better shift in his career path than working for Westridge. Also, he is British.
Lisa Damour
After her inspiring talk at Westridge a couple years ago, Lisa Damour has become the subject of much speculation and intrigue in the Westridge student body. Why would someone commit themselves to studying teenage girls? As a teen myself, I can confirm that we are scientifically the worst. No one seems to have a convincing answer to this question, but we are prepared to ignore it if Lisa Damour becomes our Head of School. She seems to have a grasp of the pressure we’re under, she has the fashion sense of a modern architect, and she knows how to act quirky and relatable. What more could you really want?
Selena Gomez
What’s going on with Selena Gomez? Where has she been? Turns out, she went back to school and got a masters in education administration. Listeners (listeners meaning me, for the purposes of this article) often regard Selena’s hit single “Love You Like a Love Song” as a feminist anthem, making her the perfect candidate for a Westridge administrative position. She has even agreed to sing every Friday in front of the Commons to replace the awful music seniors used to play. In other Selena Gomez news: the online publication Grazia claims that she eats lemons whole, which sounds truly horrible. Her ability to withstand this hardship convinced the TD staff that she wouldn’t find anything more challenging to overcome at Westridge. She is highly qualified for the job.
After her inspiring talk at Westridge a couple years ago, Lisa Damour has become the subject of much speculation and intrigue in the Westridge student body. Why would someone commit themselves to studying teenage girls? As a teen myself, I can confirm that we are scientifically the worst. No one seems to have a convincing answer to this question, but we are prepared to ignore it if Lisa Damour becomes our Head of School. She seems to have a grasp of the pressure we’re under, she has the fashion sense of a modern architect, and she knows how to act quirky and relatable. What more could you really want?
Selena Gomez
What’s going on with Selena Gomez? Where has she been? Turns out, she went back to school and got a masters in education administration. Listeners (listeners meaning me, for the purposes of this article) often regard Selena’s hit single “Love You Like a Love Song” as a feminist anthem, making her the perfect candidate for a Westridge administrative position. She has even agreed to sing every Friday in front of the Commons to replace the awful music seniors used to play. In other Selena Gomez news: the online publication Grazia claims that she eats lemons whole, which sounds truly horrible. Her ability to withstand this hardship convinced the TD staff that she wouldn’t find anything more challenging to overcome at Westridge. She is highly qualified for the job.