We got through election season, and we have a new president! It’s time to reflect on our past because I think we can all agree that it was a hot mess. We need a new system for elections. This one was like watching "The Real Housewives," but knowing that at the end of the season, one of the housewives will be responsible for our foreign affairs. Everyone sat in front of the television, worrying about the future of democracy, constantly googling “fracking” (because no one actually knows what it is), and setting up Google alerts for “the fly on Pence’s head.” Even though there were some laughable moments, the election (like most) was pure hell.
So, I have a proposition to lift some of the stress of election season for our future presidential elections without the threat of destructing our democracy.
My solution is simple: Marianne Williamson. You might remember Marianne Williamson from the early stages of this election where she promoted ideas like meditating to harness the energy of Republicans. Fighting Donald Trump with love and stuff like that. You may remember her as Oprah’s spiritual advisor. My aunt describes her as the eloquent candidate with all the right ideas, but not presidential material. Simply put, Marianne Williamson is the human equivalent of a glockenspiel.
I suggest Marianne Williamson be present for all future debates. Marianne will be the buffer between politics and daily life. You might be worried this would take time away from the actual candidates. Relax. Twitter exists. They can say whatever the hell they want there. Marianne Williamson will be like those calming commercials that have rain sounds and say, “Do nothing for 30 seconds.” Can you picture it? After a heated debate about fracking, the moderator would turn to Marianne and ask for her opinion. She’d say, “We have a lot of troubles in our world. Fracking is important. But you are important too. Love yourself. I love you. We could solve so many problems with love. So I encourage you: turn off your television. Burn some incense. Light some palo santo. Play a singing bowl. Hug somebody. You deserve it.”
And with that, we won’t even need Biden.
So, I have a proposition to lift some of the stress of election season for our future presidential elections without the threat of destructing our democracy.
My solution is simple: Marianne Williamson. You might remember Marianne Williamson from the early stages of this election where she promoted ideas like meditating to harness the energy of Republicans. Fighting Donald Trump with love and stuff like that. You may remember her as Oprah’s spiritual advisor. My aunt describes her as the eloquent candidate with all the right ideas, but not presidential material. Simply put, Marianne Williamson is the human equivalent of a glockenspiel.
I suggest Marianne Williamson be present for all future debates. Marianne will be the buffer between politics and daily life. You might be worried this would take time away from the actual candidates. Relax. Twitter exists. They can say whatever the hell they want there. Marianne Williamson will be like those calming commercials that have rain sounds and say, “Do nothing for 30 seconds.” Can you picture it? After a heated debate about fracking, the moderator would turn to Marianne and ask for her opinion. She’d say, “We have a lot of troubles in our world. Fracking is important. But you are important too. Love yourself. I love you. We could solve so many problems with love. So I encourage you: turn off your television. Burn some incense. Light some palo santo. Play a singing bowl. Hug somebody. You deserve it.”
And with that, we won’t even need Biden.