In my opinion, Outlook email notifications have always been a sight for sore eyes. However, I have grown to dread the familiar ding that signifies a new Outlook email. It began this year, when I started applying to colleges, and a steady stream of emails from schools I had never heard of began to clog up my junk folder. It’s understandable that schools need to market themselves, but at a certain point, their efforts seem futile. By “a certain point,” I mean after I’ve finished applying to schools. When I consented to have my information sent to colleges signing up for the PSAT in sophomore year, I had no clue my inbox would have 50 unread emails from The University of Alabama telling me about their deadline extension two years later. Without further ado, here is a list of emails I would rather receive than emails from colleges I did not apply to:

A progress report from Jackson Finnerman

My mom sending me an email instead of a text because it’s her preferred method of communication

Ms. Sneed scheduling an assembly

ACT letting me know I scored a 6

Army recruitment letters

Victoria Secret ad for their new panty line

Mr. Raines cancelling and rescheduling our Perspectives class

A summons for jury duty

Aubrey Plaza’s obituary 

SparkNotes reminding me to renew my subscription

Kaldi Coffee telling me they’re closing

UberEats promo codes

My first semester grades

Cortana Daily Briefings

A Westridge Weekly Newsletter

An email from Coach Horn about my P.E. credit

Mandatory Zoom call invite

The IRS telling me I will be audited

An email from an ex who I blocked on every other platform

WWF telling me the Pasadena parrots have gone extinct

Turnitin.com telling me I plagiarized an essay
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