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Bad Metaphors You’ve Used in an English Essay
​​By hemingway
Rating: MS

Figurative language is the spice of life, I think. Any English teacher would appreciate the use of some well-placed similes or a few topical allegories. Without further ado, here are some suggestions!
  • You could see through the window, just like you can also see through cling-wrap.
  • The vampire’s fangs glistened, reflecting like a ninth grader doing a self-assessment.
  • The goose was as mean as a green machine.
  • The kool aid was bright blue, like radiator fluid.
  • He was as pedantic as a summer’s day.
  • The mirror was covered in a spiderweb of cracks, so you could almost imagine catching flies in it … or someone’s heart!
  • He was as quiet as a Charlie Chaplin film without the jolly piano.
  • It was the eerie feeling, like someone was misusing a comma somewhere.
  • She was a good neighbor, like Statefarm.
  • The flower was as lovely as the feeling of having just cracked your knuckles.
  • He was as angry as a wasp, who was also angry.
  • Her face was like an oval, with eyes and a nose.
  • The birds sang, like angry car alarms in the distance.
  • She felt broken, just like your car will be if you don’t give me an A on this essay.
  • The trees were the clear green of something really green.
  • The chair was soft and supportive, like most Disney princes aren’t.
  • The rain was wet, like a ripe tomato.
  • Her heels clicked against the pavement with the slow and steady beat of one of Shaq’s arteries.
  • His shirt was grey, like one of the 50 shades in Fifty Shades of Grey.
  • His wits were as sharp as a really dull needle.
  • Hamlet was as indecisive as, as…, a weathervane, or the moon.

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