Dear Patriots fans: your beloved Tom Brady, famed-Trump-supporting, anti-kneeling, football-deflater sensation has won another Super Bowl… with the Buccaneers. This is sad news for sensible people and great news for Floridians and everyone else.
Sixteen-year-old boys: it’s your time. Now that Tom Brady has won yet another Super Bowl with an otherwise subpar team, your opportunity to compare his athletic accomplishments to those of Serena Williams has arisen. Spoiler alert: misogyny.
Tom Brady slander aside, this year’s Super Bowl was perhaps the most boring game of football ever aired on live television. I would rather watch preschoolers play foosball for six hours than relive the pain of watching Patrick Mahomes backpedal ten yards each play.
As I enjoyed my nachos and watched the Chiefs and Buccaneers battle (perhaps too strong of a word, considering the final score) it out, I couldn’t help but wonder why myself and the rest of America enjoys watching concussed men toss an oblong ball around for hours on end. It’s not because they’re attractive; football uniforms are arguably some of the most awkward-looking, hotness-blocking uniforms out there. It’s also not because we like the teams; before this year’s Super Bowl, no one knew that a buccaneer was anything besides Johnny Depp’s character in Pirates of the Caribbean.
Coincidentally, this year’s Super Bowl occurred not long after the CW’s “All American” premiered. My proposal? Trash the Super Bowl, we’re watching Spencer James throw the winning touchdown against Beverly Hills High come next February.
Sixteen-year-old boys: it’s your time. Now that Tom Brady has won yet another Super Bowl with an otherwise subpar team, your opportunity to compare his athletic accomplishments to those of Serena Williams has arisen. Spoiler alert: misogyny.
Tom Brady slander aside, this year’s Super Bowl was perhaps the most boring game of football ever aired on live television. I would rather watch preschoolers play foosball for six hours than relive the pain of watching Patrick Mahomes backpedal ten yards each play.
As I enjoyed my nachos and watched the Chiefs and Buccaneers battle (perhaps too strong of a word, considering the final score) it out, I couldn’t help but wonder why myself and the rest of America enjoys watching concussed men toss an oblong ball around for hours on end. It’s not because they’re attractive; football uniforms are arguably some of the most awkward-looking, hotness-blocking uniforms out there. It’s also not because we like the teams; before this year’s Super Bowl, no one knew that a buccaneer was anything besides Johnny Depp’s character in Pirates of the Caribbean.
Coincidentally, this year’s Super Bowl occurred not long after the CW’s “All American” premiered. My proposal? Trash the Super Bowl, we’re watching Spencer James throw the winning touchdown against Beverly Hills High come next February.