Since this is one of the last articles I’m ever going to write for Thursday Detention, I thought I would talk about what really matters. That’s right, I’m going to discuss my many strong opinions on bodies of water. Here’s some water I feel especially vehemently about:
The Caspian Sea — 12/10
I have admired the Caspian Sea since back when I thought it was named after the Narnia character. Although I know nothing about it, it gives me good vibes.
Lake Superior — 1/5
Definitely the worst great lake; would not recommend. Who decided that this lake was just max lake quality? Seems badly informed and also arrogant. It does look kind of like an anteater if you squint hard enough, though!
The Pacific Ocean — 12/17.5
Solidly decent ocean. Good fish and lots of islands. Points deducted because of being attached to all the other oceans (too clingy). Points added back for sounding like “specific,” which is apparently very confusing for many children.
Red Sea, Black Sea — 4/10
Deceptive names. Both of them are actually sea-colored. I was going to add the Yellow River but then I found out it actually is yellow. I appreciate its sincerity.
Dead Sea — 3/π
Very cool buoyancy properties and also very pretty. Points deducted for being emo.
The Caspian Sea — 12/10
I have admired the Caspian Sea since back when I thought it was named after the Narnia character. Although I know nothing about it, it gives me good vibes.
Lake Superior — 1/5
Definitely the worst great lake; would not recommend. Who decided that this lake was just max lake quality? Seems badly informed and also arrogant. It does look kind of like an anteater if you squint hard enough, though!
The Pacific Ocean — 12/17.5
Solidly decent ocean. Good fish and lots of islands. Points deducted because of being attached to all the other oceans (too clingy). Points added back for sounding like “specific,” which is apparently very confusing for many children.
Red Sea, Black Sea — 4/10
Deceptive names. Both of them are actually sea-colored. I was going to add the Yellow River but then I found out it actually is yellow. I appreciate its sincerity.
Dead Sea — 3/π
Very cool buoyancy properties and also very pretty. Points deducted for being emo.