Refer to this list when you’re feeling daring but hesitant to spend money on tickets to A Haunted House when you know you’ll only pee your pants once you get inside. (That’s not to say you wouldn’t pee your pants doing any of the tasks below):
Go to a petting zoo.
Yes, I know what you’re thinking: the animals at a petting zoo are supposed to be fun and cute.
But animals can be scary. I speak from personal experience when I say the prospect of getting bit by a goat is terrifying. Getting chased by a goat? Haunting. Having a rooster chase you for a solid 45 seconds? Horrific.
Babysit your siblings and relatives.
The prospect of being alone with children for over 20 minutes gives me chills. Add the element of being ALONE with them? And RESPONSIBLE for them? Chills. FULL BODY SHAKES.
Book a flight to your dream destination but go through airport TSA alone.
Have you ever gotten stared down by a TSA security guard? Just as effective as a jumpscare in a haunted house would be. Getting patted down by TSA is equally traumatizing.
Read a comforting article about global warming.
What you don’t know might shock you! We are actively melting. Read about it, and let us know if you get the same anxiety a screaming zombie would give you in a dark room.
Challenge yourself to use the bathroom at the gas station.
You can choose not to believe me, but baby snakes WILL crawl through sewer drainage holes (commonly found on the floor of gas station bathrooms). These snakes are said to be attracted a specific noise: the noise of toilet paper ripping. I’m very convinced that one of those snakes is going to pay me a visit one day. Will the snake pay you a visit??? Watch out, and please let me know of any baby snake sightings.
Watch a Horror Movie.
A classic, but feel free to get creative! Horror movies don’t have to be restricted to gore and dead things. Elmo gives me the same eerie feeling.
Listen to Justin Bieber’s 2012 Drummer Boy Rap on Repeat
It should be self-explanatory why listening to Drummer Boy would be scary. In fact, JB’s version of Drummer Boy is not only scary but also a tad nightmarish. Keep the 2012 vibes in 2012.