“In general, if you have salt, use it” - Mr. P 2021
There is a new statistics and rocketry teacher this year, Mr. P, and we thought it would be fitting to discuss the meaning of life with him. Who better to discuss these existential questions than a teacher whose passion is physics (quite literally the definition of existentialism) and who launches things into space as a hobby? It is time to get philosophical. Students at Westridge need to know what is in store for us, in the statistics classroom and in the rest of our lives.
At Westridge, we know how to read, write, add, subtract, multiply and divide (although for some of us, our math understanding ends here). Students speak multiple languages here, although communicating with boys is still a foreign language to us all. Westridge teaches us a lot, but one thing is missing: we have yet to learn the meaning of life. Is there is a point to all this schooling we are going through? What is on the other side?
Thursday Detention for once doesn’t have answers, but Mr. P? We KNOW Mr. P does.
Interview Transcript
Knee: Hello, thank you for joining me today.
Mr. P: Hi.
Knee: Who are you?
Mr. P: Mr. P.
Knee: That’s all you have to say?
Mr. P: I mean, that is everything.
Knee: Can you tell us your personal philosophy?
Mr. P: I think laughter is important. Um. So, my personal philosophy of life... Um. Everything should start with having fun --
*PAUSE*
Now, reader, I want to stop you here, because something happened at this point in the interview and it warrants discussion. An unnamed senior (6’3”, Golfer) intruded on the interview. Was this a mal-intended choice? Maybe. Was it simply cluelessness? Maybe. Mayhaps she time traveled recently and knew the advice Mr. P would grant us about the meaning of life, and needed to stop us from hearing the truth. Honestly, our investigative team is underfunded and Thursday Detention simply does not have the means to delve into the depths of Unnamed Senior's master plan. No matter, our interview continued without missing a beat. It gives us chills to think about the information we could have lived without knowing had Unnamed Senior completely disrupted the flow of this interview.
*PLAY*
Mr. P: (post intrusion) … avoid Unnamed Senior's demeanor of... well, I don’t even know what to call it. Yeah, don’t be like her.
Knee: Fascinating.
Mr. P: Yeah, I mean, take everything with a grain of salt, I think.
Knee: What kind of salt?
Mr. P: Iodized.
Knee: Got it.
Mr. P: Not Himalayan. Cause then you get too far into the Himalayas.
Knee: Sure.
Helga: What about truffle salt?
Mr. P: Truffle salt. Tasty? But it has specific uses. In general, if you have salt, use it... when you take things.
Knee: Ok, next question. What do you think the meaning of life is and why?
Mr. P: The meaning of life is to be alive. Well, no. Okay. Sometimes it feels like we’re all just on that hamster wheel not going anywhere and then you get thirsty, so you jump off and drink water from that spigot that sticks down, and then you get back on, um and what does all that mean? That means that you just gotta keep on spinning.
Knee: Why?
Mr. P: Why do you have to keep spinning? Cause if you’re not going to spin the hamster wheel, who is?
Reader, I think I can speak for Helga and I when I say we were stunned. We were taken aback. Our mind wheels were spinning (see what I did there?). Ultimately, we are all just hamsters who need to use iodized salt to our advantage. It seems so obvious, and yet, revolutionary. This was it. Mr. P did have the answers after all.
From the depths of our hearts, Thursday Detention thanks you, Mr. P, for explaining the universe.
At Westridge, we know how to read, write, add, subtract, multiply and divide (although for some of us, our math understanding ends here). Students speak multiple languages here, although communicating with boys is still a foreign language to us all. Westridge teaches us a lot, but one thing is missing: we have yet to learn the meaning of life. Is there is a point to all this schooling we are going through? What is on the other side?
Thursday Detention for once doesn’t have answers, but Mr. P? We KNOW Mr. P does.
Interview Transcript
Knee: Hello, thank you for joining me today.
Mr. P: Hi.
Knee: Who are you?
Mr. P: Mr. P.
Knee: That’s all you have to say?
Mr. P: I mean, that is everything.
Knee: Can you tell us your personal philosophy?
Mr. P: I think laughter is important. Um. So, my personal philosophy of life... Um. Everything should start with having fun --
*PAUSE*
Now, reader, I want to stop you here, because something happened at this point in the interview and it warrants discussion. An unnamed senior (6’3”, Golfer) intruded on the interview. Was this a mal-intended choice? Maybe. Was it simply cluelessness? Maybe. Mayhaps she time traveled recently and knew the advice Mr. P would grant us about the meaning of life, and needed to stop us from hearing the truth. Honestly, our investigative team is underfunded and Thursday Detention simply does not have the means to delve into the depths of Unnamed Senior's master plan. No matter, our interview continued without missing a beat. It gives us chills to think about the information we could have lived without knowing had Unnamed Senior completely disrupted the flow of this interview.
*PLAY*
Mr. P: (post intrusion) … avoid Unnamed Senior's demeanor of... well, I don’t even know what to call it. Yeah, don’t be like her.
Knee: Fascinating.
Mr. P: Yeah, I mean, take everything with a grain of salt, I think.
Knee: What kind of salt?
Mr. P: Iodized.
Knee: Got it.
Mr. P: Not Himalayan. Cause then you get too far into the Himalayas.
Knee: Sure.
Helga: What about truffle salt?
Mr. P: Truffle salt. Tasty? But it has specific uses. In general, if you have salt, use it... when you take things.
Knee: Ok, next question. What do you think the meaning of life is and why?
Mr. P: The meaning of life is to be alive. Well, no. Okay. Sometimes it feels like we’re all just on that hamster wheel not going anywhere and then you get thirsty, so you jump off and drink water from that spigot that sticks down, and then you get back on, um and what does all that mean? That means that you just gotta keep on spinning.
Knee: Why?
Mr. P: Why do you have to keep spinning? Cause if you’re not going to spin the hamster wheel, who is?
Reader, I think I can speak for Helga and I when I say we were stunned. We were taken aback. Our mind wheels were spinning (see what I did there?). Ultimately, we are all just hamsters who need to use iodized salt to our advantage. It seems so obvious, and yet, revolutionary. This was it. Mr. P did have the answers after all.
From the depths of our hearts, Thursday Detention thanks you, Mr. P, for explaining the universe.