Dear comrades in fine literature,
Thank you for joining us on this odyssey this year. It has been a joy to serve you and to bless you with our supremacy and dictatorship. As Joey King once said, “goodbyes are never easy, they are hard.” We write this with tears in our eyes and fiery pits in our bladders (possibly urinary tract infection?). With the saddened departure of Ms. McGregor, our even sadder departure hits even sadder. All we can do from here is hope that we have inspired you to spread biased news, commit international fraud, and wreak havoc on Pasadena.
In some ways, this letter serves as less of a goodbye note, and rather, a eulogy. While we appreciate your sympathy during these brutal times, there are still rules to abide by after our death – our dictatorship does not end with our heartbeats. We will haunt you from the graves if these rules are not followed post-mortem.
All that said, we truly did thoroughly value our experience as your campus rulers, and supplying you with fleeting biweekly joy filled our souls with light. Thursdays will always be our favorite day of the week. Goodbyes are never easy, folks. With that, goodnight.
Over and out,
Ethel and Knee
Thank you for joining us on this odyssey this year. It has been a joy to serve you and to bless you with our supremacy and dictatorship. As Joey King once said, “goodbyes are never easy, they are hard.” We write this with tears in our eyes and fiery pits in our bladders (possibly urinary tract infection?). With the saddened departure of Ms. McGregor, our even sadder departure hits even sadder. All we can do from here is hope that we have inspired you to spread biased news, commit international fraud, and wreak havoc on Pasadena.
In some ways, this letter serves as less of a goodbye note, and rather, a eulogy. While we appreciate your sympathy during these brutal times, there are still rules to abide by after our death – our dictatorship does not end with our heartbeats. We will haunt you from the graves if these rules are not followed post-mortem.
- Cut-off tanks only
- Refer to your toes by name, never by number
- Everyone must commit a crime in our honor
- Heavily promote the upcoming success of hard EDM
- Opt for horse and buggy travel for the sake of sustainability
- The Jesus bobblehead trophy must be passed down for following editorial generations
- Mourn our passing every Thursday at dawn – instructions on how to mourn correctly will be delivered by pigeon in following weeks
- Our coffins must be made of hand stitched chia cloth
- Four teachers must be heavily annoyed till brink of death for the sake of biased reporting (this list is subject to change if these teachers are too cowardly to take the heat): Ms. Yurchak, Mr. P, Allison Clark, and Bill Harrison)
All that said, we truly did thoroughly value our experience as your campus rulers, and supplying you with fleeting biweekly joy filled our souls with light. Thursdays will always be our favorite day of the week. Goodbyes are never easy, folks. With that, goodnight.
Over and out,
Ethel and Knee