Australians don’t exist. From a survey I have conducted, apparently this is a very common opinion. Actually not opinion, fact. A cold hard fact. First of all, why is everything upside down? Newton discovered gravity for a reason. Just be rightside up. And what is vegemite? I just googled it and it tastes like beef. You would be eating beef toast. Like spam spread. You know who probably loves beef toast? Rebel Wiilson. And yes we all know and love her as fat amy on pitch perfect, but why does she no longer exist. She fell off and then became a robot hologram figment of my imagination programmed by the government. The Australian government. If you don't believe me, check her social media presence. Speaking of the Australian government, they actually have a couple national legal crises. One of which is the cane toad venom epidemic. Let me give you a little context. Picture this: there are nasty maggot animals growing in the crops. 20th century Australians thought it would be a great idea to bring animals from another country as that has always worked amazingly in the past. Turns out! Cane toads were bad! Oh no! Who would've guessed! As it turns out cane toads are not able to be killed and their venom is a psychedelic. People are smoking frog venom. How is that real? It's fake. Literally fake. There are DUI checkpoints to check for cane toad venom in peoples cars. It’s a real issue people. On top of the psychedelic poison, people keep them as pets. People dress them up in dresses and stuff. And keep them. On leashes. In their houses. Apparently, people also let them crawl onto them while outside. Just let them rest on their feet. The people there aren’t real. I have met several Australians and I don’t believe in any of them. I like to think they are figments of my imagination. This brings me to my next point. Fully automated toasters. Fully automated toasters will rule the world one day and I am calling it now.