Hello all. My name is Mump, and I attend Westridge School for Girls. For my first article, I will be breaking down the hottest news this week and sharing my thoughts on them. 

1. The voice host, not even a mother could love him

Former coach of “The Voice” whose squeaky falsetto could not be escaped in 2015 cheated on his wife of 8 years with Instagram influencer Sumner Stroh. News of this broke when Stroh posted screenshots on her TikTok of the vocalist asking her if he could name his unborn child after Sumner. Personally, l forgot Adam existed before this came out, and I look forward to forgetting after this is over. What kind of scum do you have to be to not only cheat on your WIFE of EIGHT YEARS but to NAME THE FETUS SHE’S CARRYING after your MISTRESS. I cannot believe this was the man my mother loved.

2. Ned Fumbled


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On the topic of cheating cheaters who cheat, this ginger cheated on his wife and pursued a “consensual workplace relationship” with his employee. Consensual workplace relationship my ass; you had an affair. I did not realize how many other people cared about BuzzFeed or the Try Guys. 6th grader me definitely had the hots for Steven Lim from Worth It. No regrets.

3. Mila Kunis Explains Why She and Ashton Kutcher Never Shut Their Bathroom Doors with Kids at Home

I apologize for this one; I riled myself up too much by discussing the barbarianism of the douchebags above that I frantically googled “celebrity news” and looked for the most insignificant story. The title speaks for itself. I’m sure we all care about the home life of Demi Moore’s ex-husband. 

That is all the piping hot “goss” I have to share. Thank you for reading. I will see you next Thursday.