Hey guys. Pitbarf here. Storytime: I was going about my day as usual, doin the grind, yadah yadah.
I get home. Complete meltdown. Mitski, everywhere. And in my post cry clarity I think to myself- I have got to get a better lifestyle. So, I set to work finding the best ways to improve my lifestyle by surfing through the best self help app available: TikTok. This will be a 3 part series because I’m quickly running out of good ideas.
BETTER LIFESTYLE HACKS: SKINCARE
1. Eliminate Gravity
You heard me folks, gravity is why your face looks like a smushed in pillow. My solution is to eliminate it altogether. I mean gravity is really a pick me like, the universe really is not about you, it’s about my glowy milky clean soft baby skin. So just stop trying to act like the center of attention all the time.
2. Consume Only Raw Eggs and Cow Liver
Consuming these things only are key to glowy milky clean soft baby skin. I mean, who wouldn’t want to just down a glass of 3 raw eggs for breakfast? What’s that? Source?? My source? Trust me bro.
3. Eradicate Human Emotion
You know what does make ur skin wrinkly and not baby glowy milky? Emotions. Stop laughing. Stop crying. You’re making your face look all mushy and wrinkly. And you don’t want that. You want Instagram filter levels of taut and smooth. Some exercises to help you stop emoting:
4. Never Go Outside
Sunscreen is good or whatever but you know what’s better? Not going outside. Just avoid the Sun like actually. It’s not that hard.
Okay guys hopefully that magically makes your skin glowy milky baby smooth and soft like it did to mine. Tune in next time for better lifestyle hacks: sleep
Much love and milk(y skin),
Pitbarf
I get home. Complete meltdown. Mitski, everywhere. And in my post cry clarity I think to myself- I have got to get a better lifestyle. So, I set to work finding the best ways to improve my lifestyle by surfing through the best self help app available: TikTok. This will be a 3 part series because I’m quickly running out of good ideas.
BETTER LIFESTYLE HACKS: SKINCARE
1. Eliminate Gravity
You heard me folks, gravity is why your face looks like a smushed in pillow. My solution is to eliminate it altogether. I mean gravity is really a pick me like, the universe really is not about you, it’s about my glowy milky clean soft baby skin. So just stop trying to act like the center of attention all the time.
2. Consume Only Raw Eggs and Cow Liver
Consuming these things only are key to glowy milky clean soft baby skin. I mean, who wouldn’t want to just down a glass of 3 raw eggs for breakfast? What’s that? Source?? My source? Trust me bro.
3. Eradicate Human Emotion
You know what does make ur skin wrinkly and not baby glowy milky? Emotions. Stop laughing. Stop crying. You’re making your face look all mushy and wrinkly. And you don’t want that. You want Instagram filter levels of taut and smooth. Some exercises to help you stop emoting:
- Cut off all your friends and enemies and any sort of social interaction
- Never read Thursday Detention ever again cuz we are so funny and cool and make you laugh
- Method act as an alpha gym bro who doesn’t have the word “emotion” in their vocabulary
4. Never Go Outside
Sunscreen is good or whatever but you know what’s better? Not going outside. Just avoid the Sun like actually. It’s not that hard.
Okay guys hopefully that magically makes your skin glowy milky baby smooth and soft like it did to mine. Tune in next time for better lifestyle hacks: sleep
Much love and milk(y skin),
Pitbarf