😰Breaking Neighborhood News Announcement Postletter Weekly - WATCH OUT FOR CANDY 😰😰
ATTENTION Momma Bears! This is HOA heads Zhou Z. and L. E. !! We had hoped that in our RESPECTABLE neighborhood we could enjoy the amazing candy our children got from trick or treating. This year, it looks like someone is out there TRICKING our CHILDREN! Not only was 99.9% of our candy laced with NARCOTICS and BLADES, but EVEN WORSE THINGS. THIS IS A PSA to NEVER eat candy from STRANGERS and STOP trick or treating. STAY SAFE this DANGEROUS halloween season.
1. Snickers bar with BLADE!! Next time I don't feel like myself I will NOT be eating a Snickers! I have been feeding these to my little Mackaliegh because the LYING QUACK doctor said she had an ALLERGY TO PEANUTS??! Does that HACK think he can scam me out of my AMERICAN DOLLARS? Humans have NEVER BEEN and NEVER WILL BE allergic to a food!! I have been treating Mackaliegh with EXPOSURE therapy (excuse me from saying the t-word, I despise the term and the process it represents). She was supposed to take this candy to LUNCH at SCHOOL, but now CANNOT.
1. Snickers bar with BLADE!! Next time I don't feel like myself I will NOT be eating a Snickers! I have been feeding these to my little Mackaliegh because the LYING QUACK doctor said she had an ALLERGY TO PEANUTS??! Does that HACK think he can scam me out of my AMERICAN DOLLARS? Humans have NEVER BEEN and NEVER WILL BE allergic to a food!! I have been treating Mackaliegh with EXPOSURE therapy (excuse me from saying the t-word, I despise the term and the process it represents). She was supposed to take this candy to LUNCH at SCHOOL, but now CANNOT.
2. Lollipop laced with LAXATIVES! This was an awful experience. I was on the toilet for hours. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a lollipop?? NO. More like how much debt will you be in from all the toilet paper use?? I am so LUCKY that my darling husband STEPHEN is a DOOMSDAY prepper who has a MANCAVE full of TOILET PAPER.
3. 17th-century battle axe in my TWIX. This was an awful surprise when I unwrapped my Twix bar. My HUSBAND STEPHEN was very EXCITED, though. He has been getting very connected with HIS CULTURE because his ancestors were NORSE VIKINGS. He has gotten a new hairstyle called “dreads” to celebrate FINDING this LINK TO OUR HERITAGE.
4. Pfizer Vaccine in my 3 Musketeers!! This is a DIABOLICAL plot by the LIBERALS. Hey big government, I DO NOT consent to being MICROCHIPPED. MY BODY MY CHOICE libs. Please pray for my Aunt Gremaline who has just been diagnosed with the Covid-19 virus disease.
5.COLESLAW in my MILKY WAY. There is not much more I need to say here…WHAT A DELICIOUS SURPRISE. It tasted almost as good as the signature potato salad I bring to every Church potluck. Although I LOST to that JEZEBEL Christine, we all know who the WINNER under the EYES of GOD is.
6. LASTLY who in their right mind put an unmarked Ford explorer in my Mars bar?? Our POLICE FORCE needs these SPECIAL CARS. I stand with the BOYS IN BLUE!! This is no way to waste a valuable police RESOURCE!
FINALLY, I would like to KINDLY ASK the local HOOLIGAN TEENS to refrain from SMOKING DRUGS in their CARS! That is not FAMILY FRIENDly behavior. It is VERY POSSIBLE they are responsible for the horrific CANDY I found in my FENTANYL. If you see these TEENS please call the ARMED POLICE.
