They may call me crazy, but I am the one who has truly broken free. For too long we have relied on and commended so called ‘modern’ medicine. But what about it is truly modern? I suggest, the only modern thing about this medicine is how it contributes to the brainwashing that is integral to the culture of the 20th and 21st centuries. “Who are being brainwashed?” You may ask. To that I say good question. My answer: birth control takers. Who wants a teenage pregnancy? Not me. Who wants to gush like Niagara Falls once a month for 7 days? Not me. Who wants a little fun pill to take every night? Me! And just like that, I feel into their trap. At first it was fun, a highlight of my day even. Brush my teeth, put on my retainer, and wawaweewa! Take my lil pill. Fast forward a year of taking the pill. Oh no? I missed two days by accident. Simple mistake you may think. Easily recoverable even. WRONG! My hormones have broken into a different galaxy. I am capable of things not even the evilest man could dream of. Legitimately near breaking international law. I’ve become not a human. No. but a hormone monster. I straighten myself out and go back to taking my pills. Give it another year. I miss a day again. I go back to my evil ways. I consider stealing my best friend’s dog, driving perpendicular to the flow of traffic on the 134, and accusing my 14-year-old brother of trapping. This time though. I have had enough. These big pharma pills have made me dependent on them to not go insane. And I am done. As a self-sufficient woman, this does not suit my style. So, I quit. Cold turkey. I want to see what happens beyond the being a horrible person. What is the next hormone wave? Who could I be without my extremely powerful hormones being restrained? What person did the big man originally destine me to become? Only time will tell. I have replaced taking birth control with going to bed at 8:30, killing pomegranates, and listening to Azealia Banks. This is who I am meant to be. And big pharma can never, ever try to take it away from me again. Current birth control users, I urge you to join me. Embrace the horror to see the light. Good luck on your journey.