THIS IS SPORK AND SPIFE’S SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP EDITION!
READ ON ABOUT FOOD, FISH, AND EVERYTHING ELSE LOVE HAS TO OFFER.
“DEAR SPORK AND SPIFE,
MY BOYFRIEND WANTS ME TO SHAVE MY HEAD WITH HIM, SHOULD I?”
SPORK: Only if you want to. Buzzcuts rock, but so do luscious locks. Either way, if your boyfriend entrusts you with the hair-cutting device, may I suggest you shave an American flag onto his head? I think it’ll be a great look.
SPIFE: Personally, YOLO amirite. I would do it if my partner asked me to shave my head with him. You should do it. Do it. You could bleach it and dye it with fun designs.
“DEAR SPORK AND SPIFE,
EVERY TIME WE GO OUT TO EAT, MY GF WANTS MCDONALDS. WHAT DO I DO?”
SPORK: Go to McDonald’s? Or, if that’s against all your moral values, pretend to be in the olden times and cook a meal. I believe in you, you will survive.
SPIFE: McDonald’s fries used to not be vegetarian. Those were the good old days.
“DEAR SPORK AND SPIFE,
MY PARTNER IS ALWAYS BUSY BUT I CAN’T ASK THEM TO QUIT THEIR EXTRACURRICULARS. WHAT SHOULD I DO?”
SPORK: As long as you communicate that you want to spend more time together, I think you’ll be able to find a solution! I don’t know all the details and nuances of the situation but I don’t think that it’s impossible to find a time to be together. I’m sorry if it feels like that though. However, if your girlfriend happens to be a professional shot putter training every single day for the Olympics, no one’s saying you can’t also become a professional shot putter and train together for the Olympics.
SPIFE: Aw that’s cute. Busy bees are the hardest bees. Talk to her, and plan things out, even if you guys can’t hang out in person, maybe call each other at night and do homework together on a call. Quality time is the best time! Even just getting together at the end of the day and talking about your day can make you feel a bit more connected in your lives.
“DEAR SPORK AND SPIFE,
WHAT DOES A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE BETWEEN TWO FISH?”
SPORK: It’s Gari’s first day at fish school, he knows no one. As he scuttles to class, lost in the maze of seaweed, he bumps into something and drops all his seashell books onto the ocean floor. Embarrassed, Gary dashes down to pick them up, only to see someone dashing down with him.
“I’m sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going and I- I’m sorry, I’m so clumsy, I-”, Gari reaches for his books,
“It’s okay! It’s really not a problem”, as his fin touches that of the one belonging to this mysterious voice, he looks up. Olive green scales look golden, backlit by the sun above the water. Silence, the current seemed to have stopped. All Gari saw, felt, and heard was,
“I’m Sal, Sal Mon.” a beat “...and you are?”
“Oh! My bad,” the water started to flow again, “I’m Gari, Gari Baldi. I’m from the Pacific, but we just migrated.”
“Cool!”
Sal hands Gari the last seashell book from the floor, “well, I’ll see you around Gari!”
It hadn’t been an hour and Gari already knew someone, he felt better. With 2 minutes to spare, he made it to his Marine Biology class. What a coincidence! Sal was in his class. Sal gestured to the empty oyster beside him, and Gari quickly swam there.
“So we meet again,” Sal chuckled. And they did meet again, every morning, every day, in that Marine Biology class. Very soon, Gari couldn’t stop thinking about Sal. Golden scales and black speckles filled his dreams. Gari wanted to be around Sal more and more. He’d invite Sal over to do homework, and they’d swim to Gari’s coral apartment together. What started as a one-time thing became an everyday thing. They were inseparable. Lying awake on his sponge mattress, Gari kept thinking about Sal. And at that moment he realized, maybe they weren’t just friends, maybe they shouldn’t be just friends. The next morning, Gari left for school a full 10 minutes early to find the most beautiful seashell on the ocean floor. He searched and searched and searched and then! A golden seashell, with black speckles, peeked out from under the sand. This was the one. He picked it up and scurried to school. His scales sweat and his fins fidgeted, but nonetheless, as soon as Sal came into class, he handed Sal the seashell.
“What’s this?” Sal took it, “oh! A seashell, I love seashells.” He flipped it over, his eyes widened, “Yes!”
For on the underside of the seashell, that very morning, Gari had inscribed ‘will you be my fishfriend?’ Nothing changed between them. They still sat through every Marine Biology class together, and still swam home together, and did all their fishy homework together. But now, they were fishfriends. Now, they knew how much they admired each other.
That’s what I think a healthy relationship between two fish would look like.
IF YOU LOVE SPORK AND SPIFE, CONSIDER PUTTING A QUESTION INTO THE BOX IN THE MAIN HALL. WE ARE NOT LICENSED THERAPISTS BUT WE SURE CAN HELP.
READ ON ABOUT FOOD, FISH, AND EVERYTHING ELSE LOVE HAS TO OFFER.
“DEAR SPORK AND SPIFE,
MY BOYFRIEND WANTS ME TO SHAVE MY HEAD WITH HIM, SHOULD I?”
SPORK: Only if you want to. Buzzcuts rock, but so do luscious locks. Either way, if your boyfriend entrusts you with the hair-cutting device, may I suggest you shave an American flag onto his head? I think it’ll be a great look.
SPIFE: Personally, YOLO amirite. I would do it if my partner asked me to shave my head with him. You should do it. Do it. You could bleach it and dye it with fun designs.
“DEAR SPORK AND SPIFE,
EVERY TIME WE GO OUT TO EAT, MY GF WANTS MCDONALDS. WHAT DO I DO?”
SPORK: Go to McDonald’s? Or, if that’s against all your moral values, pretend to be in the olden times and cook a meal. I believe in you, you will survive.
SPIFE: McDonald’s fries used to not be vegetarian. Those were the good old days.
“DEAR SPORK AND SPIFE,
MY PARTNER IS ALWAYS BUSY BUT I CAN’T ASK THEM TO QUIT THEIR EXTRACURRICULARS. WHAT SHOULD I DO?”
SPORK: As long as you communicate that you want to spend more time together, I think you’ll be able to find a solution! I don’t know all the details and nuances of the situation but I don’t think that it’s impossible to find a time to be together. I’m sorry if it feels like that though. However, if your girlfriend happens to be a professional shot putter training every single day for the Olympics, no one’s saying you can’t also become a professional shot putter and train together for the Olympics.
SPIFE: Aw that’s cute. Busy bees are the hardest bees. Talk to her, and plan things out, even if you guys can’t hang out in person, maybe call each other at night and do homework together on a call. Quality time is the best time! Even just getting together at the end of the day and talking about your day can make you feel a bit more connected in your lives.
“DEAR SPORK AND SPIFE,
WHAT DOES A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE BETWEEN TWO FISH?”
SPORK: It’s Gari’s first day at fish school, he knows no one. As he scuttles to class, lost in the maze of seaweed, he bumps into something and drops all his seashell books onto the ocean floor. Embarrassed, Gary dashes down to pick them up, only to see someone dashing down with him.
“I’m sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going and I- I’m sorry, I’m so clumsy, I-”, Gari reaches for his books,
“It’s okay! It’s really not a problem”, as his fin touches that of the one belonging to this mysterious voice, he looks up. Olive green scales look golden, backlit by the sun above the water. Silence, the current seemed to have stopped. All Gari saw, felt, and heard was,
“I’m Sal, Sal Mon.” a beat “...and you are?”
“Oh! My bad,” the water started to flow again, “I’m Gari, Gari Baldi. I’m from the Pacific, but we just migrated.”
“Cool!”
Sal hands Gari the last seashell book from the floor, “well, I’ll see you around Gari!”
It hadn’t been an hour and Gari already knew someone, he felt better. With 2 minutes to spare, he made it to his Marine Biology class. What a coincidence! Sal was in his class. Sal gestured to the empty oyster beside him, and Gari quickly swam there.
“So we meet again,” Sal chuckled. And they did meet again, every morning, every day, in that Marine Biology class. Very soon, Gari couldn’t stop thinking about Sal. Golden scales and black speckles filled his dreams. Gari wanted to be around Sal more and more. He’d invite Sal over to do homework, and they’d swim to Gari’s coral apartment together. What started as a one-time thing became an everyday thing. They were inseparable. Lying awake on his sponge mattress, Gari kept thinking about Sal. And at that moment he realized, maybe they weren’t just friends, maybe they shouldn’t be just friends. The next morning, Gari left for school a full 10 minutes early to find the most beautiful seashell on the ocean floor. He searched and searched and searched and then! A golden seashell, with black speckles, peeked out from under the sand. This was the one. He picked it up and scurried to school. His scales sweat and his fins fidgeted, but nonetheless, as soon as Sal came into class, he handed Sal the seashell.
“What’s this?” Sal took it, “oh! A seashell, I love seashells.” He flipped it over, his eyes widened, “Yes!”
For on the underside of the seashell, that very morning, Gari had inscribed ‘will you be my fishfriend?’ Nothing changed between them. They still sat through every Marine Biology class together, and still swam home together, and did all their fishy homework together. But now, they were fishfriends. Now, they knew how much they admired each other.
That’s what I think a healthy relationship between two fish would look like.
IF YOU LOVE SPORK AND SPIFE, CONSIDER PUTTING A QUESTION INTO THE BOX IN THE MAIN HALL. WE ARE NOT LICENSED THERAPISTS BUT WE SURE CAN HELP.
