Efforts to Bring Back Vending Machine Stall as Ms. Kassar Says, “Just Come to My Office for Snacks”
by: hark
Students school-wide support the re-implementation of a vending machine in the alcove to the right of the Commons. Existent until around 2020, the vending machine aided with the essential service of providing young-and-hungry students with unhealthy snacks to stunt their growth, but increase their happiness. A worthy exchange, I would say.
“Instances of chip flavoring dust marks on book pages decreased 357% after the removal of the vending machine,” said librarian Ms. Bolton. “I miss those Cheeto-dusted corners. The desecration of book pages really showed the students’ willingness to engage with literature. Now we have no way of knowing if anyone is even reading anymore.”
On August 30, 2023, in the blazing California sun, brave student [REDACTED], class of [REDACTED], spoke to Ms. Kassar about bringing the vending machine back, citing late-afternoon snacks as a primary reason for its return: What are hungry students supposed to do after the 3:30pm closing of the Commons – starve?
Ms. Kassar’s response?
“Just come to my office for snacks.”
Reader, I think there is a more pressing matter at hand.
Ms. Kassar routinely stays in her office until 10pm at night, according to baby monitors in a location the Thursday Detention reporters are not at liberty to disclose. Any late-stayers certainly would be able to drop by. But what kind of example does this set for young, impressionable minds?
According to Forbes, “Gen Z is a generation dedicated to overturning our capitalist society in favor of a lazy, artsy commune.” However, CEOs of the world be reassured, for Forbes continues: “But indoctrinating them into the endless grind of 80-hour work weeks from an early age provides us with a way to battle this revolutionary spirit.”
Ms. Kassar’s long hours, starting from 4 am (according to nanny cam) are only feeding into this capitalist mindset! If students were to come to her office at 8:11pm after their families forgot to pick them up and witness her endless grind, their brains would come to understand that overworking grants tasty treats.
Ms. Kassar’s suggestion that students visit her for snacks is an idea which will condition students to accept the status quo of employment in America, dulling their rebellious fervor, forever impeding the Gen Z “No Work Of Any Kind Ever And We’ll TP Your Office” movement of its momentum.
At a school that encourages students to be leaders of tomorrow, we need to be fighting for higher pay, fewer hours, more retirement benefits. And then for even higher pay, no hours, infinite Social Security benefits—including fully-covered mental health services. I don’t want to pay for therapy anymore. I’m bettering myself, I should get paid for that.
For Thursday Detention writers, the fight for proper workplace compensation hits close to home. Recently, Thursday Detention staff have been faced with “decreas[ed]...health insurance benefits.” We are at the forefront of this battle.
“Thursday Detention staff have faced some of the cruelest treatment in the nation at the hands of their employer,” said Vermont senator Bernie Sanders. “I believe wholeheartedly in their cause and hope that their valiant journalists are given their fair due.”
If Ms. Kassar truly believes in Westridge’s founding principles, she would understand that inviting students to come to her office at 9:47pm is not the way to inspire them to create a better world.
This is why we need a vending machine.
Note From Editor: I talk to hark and hark tell me everything is joke. sources, statistics, and quote from mr. sanders about bad workplace environment is joke.
“Instances of chip flavoring dust marks on book pages decreased 357% after the removal of the vending machine,” said librarian Ms. Bolton. “I miss those Cheeto-dusted corners. The desecration of book pages really showed the students’ willingness to engage with literature. Now we have no way of knowing if anyone is even reading anymore.”
On August 30, 2023, in the blazing California sun, brave student [REDACTED], class of [REDACTED], spoke to Ms. Kassar about bringing the vending machine back, citing late-afternoon snacks as a primary reason for its return: What are hungry students supposed to do after the 3:30pm closing of the Commons – starve?
Ms. Kassar’s response?
“Just come to my office for snacks.”
Reader, I think there is a more pressing matter at hand.
Ms. Kassar routinely stays in her office until 10pm at night, according to baby monitors in a location the Thursday Detention reporters are not at liberty to disclose. Any late-stayers certainly would be able to drop by. But what kind of example does this set for young, impressionable minds?
According to Forbes, “Gen Z is a generation dedicated to overturning our capitalist society in favor of a lazy, artsy commune.” However, CEOs of the world be reassured, for Forbes continues: “But indoctrinating them into the endless grind of 80-hour work weeks from an early age provides us with a way to battle this revolutionary spirit.”
Ms. Kassar’s long hours, starting from 4 am (according to nanny cam) are only feeding into this capitalist mindset! If students were to come to her office at 8:11pm after their families forgot to pick them up and witness her endless grind, their brains would come to understand that overworking grants tasty treats.
Ms. Kassar’s suggestion that students visit her for snacks is an idea which will condition students to accept the status quo of employment in America, dulling their rebellious fervor, forever impeding the Gen Z “No Work Of Any Kind Ever And We’ll TP Your Office” movement of its momentum.
At a school that encourages students to be leaders of tomorrow, we need to be fighting for higher pay, fewer hours, more retirement benefits. And then for even higher pay, no hours, infinite Social Security benefits—including fully-covered mental health services. I don’t want to pay for therapy anymore. I’m bettering myself, I should get paid for that.
For Thursday Detention writers, the fight for proper workplace compensation hits close to home. Recently, Thursday Detention staff have been faced with “decreas[ed]...health insurance benefits.” We are at the forefront of this battle.
“Thursday Detention staff have faced some of the cruelest treatment in the nation at the hands of their employer,” said Vermont senator Bernie Sanders. “I believe wholeheartedly in their cause and hope that their valiant journalists are given their fair due.”
If Ms. Kassar truly believes in Westridge’s founding principles, she would understand that inviting students to come to her office at 9:47pm is not the way to inspire them to create a better world.
This is why we need a vending machine.
Note From Editor: I talk to hark and hark tell me everything is joke. sources, statistics, and quote from mr. sanders about bad workplace environment is joke.