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The Search Continues for the Finger Lingerers

by secondborn
BREAKING NEWS!
The infamous Finger Lingerers continue to run rampant. Seniors: do not fancy yourselves protected from their attack, no matter how far you live from Pasadena. Their work has been seen as far as Arcadia City. I heard you have to change currency before going there. 

Move your cameras, hide your cars, remove your mailboxes: do whatever you can.
As of Thursday, September 14, the Lingerers have reportedly made three new hits, marking a total of over five cases just this month. 
Even more worrisome: they’ve evolved. 
Mia N. ’24 shares: 
“Someone f*cking fingerlinged my shoe.”
Picture
Song ’24 shares:
“I go outside, to my own car, and I look at my windshield and I’m like ‘what the hell is that it looks like a finger’ like actually…literalmente una papa [literally a potato]…with a note on there from the Finger Lingerers. And they left a fingerling potato on my car. Like what the hell.”
As we’ve observed, they now target car windshields and have changed their signature: “❤️ Fingerlingerers.”
As a victim myself, I have a specific passion for this issue. I send my condolences to all affected. If you have any information on the Lingerers, please contact me. 
Stay sexy, stay safe, stay starchless.
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