Hey guys.
Some things are constant and reliable. Like how your dad will always have a copy of The Rise And Fall Of The Roman Empire, or the acrid fumes of the upstairs commons bathroom. Some things, however, are bound to change in shocking, appalling, and eye-widening ways.
Like the death of hamsters.
Hamsters, as a species, defy the very basic laws of natural selection. They're practically their own specimen of study, amongst credible scientists like renowned Buzzfeed author Nate (no last name). With their fragile hearts and even more fragile minds, hamsters are predisposed to a variety of different demises.
Today, I’ll be rating these devastating events of hamster fragility by obscurity (how rare), relatability (how relatable), nose-exhalability (how likely you are to breathe out your nose akin to a silent laugh upon reading it), and analogability (how easy it is to make into an analogy for your graded annotations in English.)
Obscurity: 9.67/10
Relatability: 8/10
Nose-exhalability: 9.897/10
Analogability: 10/10
Obscurity: 6.7/10
Relatability: 9.98/10
Nose-exhalability: 7.96/10
Analogability: 10/10
Obscurity: 8.3/10
Relatability: 9.211/10
Nose-exhalability: 8.63/10
Analogability: 5.4/10
Obscurity: 7.2/10
Relatability: 10/10
Nose-exhalability: 6.24/10
Analogability: 7.83/10
Obscurity: 5.12/10
Relatability: 9.78/10
Nose-exhalability: 6.72/10
Analogability: 9.23/10
Obscurity: 5.86/10
Relatability: 7.24/10
Nose-exhalability: 4.58/10
Analogability: 7.24/10
Obscurity: 3.84/10
Relatability: 8.41/10
Nose-exhalability: 5.26/10
Analogability: 7.23/10
Obscurity: 7.3/10
Relatability: 3.42/10
Nose-exhalability: 4.2/10
Analogability: 9.28/10
Obscurity: 6.42/10
Relatability: 8.65/10
Nose-exhalability: 4.39/10
Analogability: 2.65/10
Obscurity: 3.29/10
Relatability: 7.32/10
Nose-exhalability: 6.59/10
Analogability: 2.35/10
Obscurity: 6.21/10
Relatability: 1.38/10
Nose-exhalability: 3.47/10
Analogability: 6.73/10
Obscurity: 4.58/10
Relatability: 2.37/10
Nose-exhalability: 3.46/10
Analogability: 4.82/10
Alas. The hamster deaths keep ramping up. I can’t imagine the turmoil of becoming a refrigerator magnet. Shoutout to the hamsters out there, defying survival of the fittest. Live Laugh Love, Magnet.
Some things are constant and reliable. Like how your dad will always have a copy of The Rise And Fall Of The Roman Empire, or the acrid fumes of the upstairs commons bathroom. Some things, however, are bound to change in shocking, appalling, and eye-widening ways.
Like the death of hamsters.
Hamsters, as a species, defy the very basic laws of natural selection. They're practically their own specimen of study, amongst credible scientists like renowned Buzzfeed author Nate (no last name). With their fragile hearts and even more fragile minds, hamsters are predisposed to a variety of different demises.
Today, I’ll be rating these devastating events of hamster fragility by obscurity (how rare), relatability (how relatable), nose-exhalability (how likely you are to breathe out your nose akin to a silent laugh upon reading it), and analogability (how easy it is to make into an analogy for your graded annotations in English.)
- Swallowed a magnet and was stuck to the fridge
Obscurity: 9.67/10
Relatability: 8/10
Nose-exhalability: 9.897/10
Analogability: 10/10
- Exploded after feeding it Coke and Mentos
Obscurity: 6.7/10
Relatability: 9.98/10
Nose-exhalability: 7.96/10
Analogability: 10/10
- Got scared by ants
Obscurity: 8.3/10
Relatability: 9.211/10
Nose-exhalability: 8.63/10
Analogability: 5.4/10
- Died from a heart attack after dad sneezing
Obscurity: 7.2/10
Relatability: 10/10
Nose-exhalability: 6.24/10
Analogability: 7.83/10
- Boiled in pot for bath
Obscurity: 5.12/10
Relatability: 9.78/10
Nose-exhalability: 6.72/10
Analogability: 9.23/10
- Being vacuumed
Obscurity: 5.86/10
Relatability: 7.24/10
Nose-exhalability: 4.58/10
Analogability: 7.24/10
- Running into the fireplace
Obscurity: 3.84/10
Relatability: 8.41/10
Nose-exhalability: 5.26/10
Analogability: 7.23/10
- Being microwaved
Obscurity: 7.3/10
Relatability: 3.42/10
Nose-exhalability: 4.2/10
Analogability: 9.28/10
- Farting too hard
Obscurity: 6.42/10
Relatability: 8.65/10
Nose-exhalability: 4.39/10
Analogability: 2.65/10
- Falling into the toilet
Obscurity: 3.29/10
Relatability: 7.32/10
Nose-exhalability: 6.59/10
Analogability: 2.35/10
- Drank too much water and exploded
Obscurity: 6.21/10
Relatability: 1.38/10
Nose-exhalability: 3.47/10
Analogability: 6.73/10
- The smell of nail polish while painting its nails
Obscurity: 4.58/10
Relatability: 2.37/10
Nose-exhalability: 3.46/10
Analogability: 4.82/10
Alas. The hamster deaths keep ramping up. I can’t imagine the turmoil of becoming a refrigerator magnet. Shoutout to the hamsters out there, defying survival of the fittest. Live Laugh Love, Magnet.