It’s everywhere. Pointy rocks. Skyscrapers. Rocket ships. Really anything big that sticks out of the ground. Phallic imagery is deeply embedded within our society. People are drawing dicks on their friend’s faces as practical jokes. Whether we like it or not, the idea of the phallus is always floating somewhere in our minds.
As a gay woman, I don’t really want anything to do with dicks. I certainly wouldn’t mind if they all just disappeared one day. I wish I could look at the Empire State Building and just think, “Wow. That’s a really tall building.” And yet, we all think, “Wow. That is some phallic imagery.” Phallic imagery is thrown in our faces on the daily (Excuse my passive voice. Nobody tell Ms. Cutler).
So alas, I’ve learned to live with it, as we all have, and I’m ok. I talk about the phallic imagery of tall things in books (shoutout Fun Home); I laugh when a friend mentions the word ball despite it being a completely normal word; I give anyone trying to act out a pencil sharpener in charades a funny look, and I get on with my life. It’s not so bad. I mean, my first word was ball, and that’s a little ironic considering my obvious sexuality, but I’m getting off topic.
But really, this is sexism, right under our noses. With all this talk about dicks, I can’t help but wonder, what about vaginas? I present to you, a new, sexy, feminist ideology: Vaginal imagery.
I mean, all this phallic imagery is fine and all, but there is no vaginal imagery anywhere. Nobody has ever looked at a bagel and thought, “Wow. How vaginal.” No. They thought, “Wow. That’s a bagel.” The lack of vaginal imagery in society makes phallic imagery inherently misogynist. We reduce dicks to the very simplest of their form (big things sticking out of the ground) every minute, and yet, vaginas are left out of our immature shenanigans and giggling. We are supporting the patriarchy with our silence! We let dicks exist everywhere! In nature. In English class. In the New York skyline. And Vaginas are nowhere to be seen! Where are the vaginas in the rock formations and the natural material of the outside world? How does vaginal imagery in The Odyssey contribute to the feminist narrative? Ms. Yurchak, add this to your syllabus! Where are the buildings on the horizon screaming, “VAGINAS!”
We must no longer be silent in this war on female genitalia. For feminism. For women everywhere. For equality. We must. Acknowledge vaginal imagery. It’s everywhere. Bagels. Circular windows. Sinkholes. Really anything with a hole.
One small step for woman, one giant leap for womankind.
Here are some examples of vaginal imagery: Who knew breakfast could be so raunchy?
Architecture! Archy doors. Curvy and circular windows. THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA. Take that New York skyline.
Vaginas have been everywhere for centuries, and we never even realized.
Mother nature really said feminism.
So, after all this, if nothing else, embrace the vaginas of the world. Draw circles on the faces of friends as a prank. Don’t eat your bagel in the morning thinking, “This is a bagel.” Instead, think, “Wow. Women, you know?” Celebrate the holes, big and little, of your daily life. Giggle at the vaginal imagery around you. FUCK THE NEW YORK SKYLINE!! HAVE YOU SEEN THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA?!
Also, the empire state building has 6, 514 windows. So next time you think about the phallic imagery of the world and the oppressive system of the patriarchy. Remember. We are stronger than we know.