Breaking News: our very own editor in chief at this very all girls' school publication is an anti-STEMinist. I for one, must agree with mump’s claims.
Women belong in the kitchen.
In fact, maybe we should take it one step further. Not only is the Bechdel test correct in that women can be replaced by a sexy lamp, but women ARE sexy lamps. The specific lamp to which I refer is the leg lamp from A Christmas Story. Mmm.. sexy little thing. Same language, am I right? Next time you lay your eyes on a member of The Woman Community, assess their lampability. Is the leg supported by a high heel or a platform croc? Either way, woman = lamp. Checkmate libturds.
I would like to report as a primary witness (meaning myself) that women can also replace various dining and household objects. Need a chair? Find a woman. Need a rice cooker? Find a woman. Need a decorative object to liven up the place? Find a woman. They’re abundant and soon to be on the market. The more we reverse the work of Malala, the more we put society in order. Put these women to work the way the Lord intended.
By removing them from the education system, we can return to the traditionalist values that our society was built upon. Who doesn’t want that? I call you to action! Westridge students, let’s revamp the cult of domesticity: we must school ourselves in literacy only for religious and domestic duties and we must NOT attend higher education, so abandon that statistics class! Leave your aerospace calling; the stars may be the limit, but we belong with our high heels planted on the ground. Dig down deep into the core values instilled by the patriarchy. Stay humble, ladies.
If you must pursue these academic callings, I personally urge you to forfeit your genius to the STEMbros and become a stepping stool in their regime. Allow yourself to be talked over in English discussions by a man saying your point word. for. word. To finish this off, I’d like to impart you, my dearest reader, with one final piece of wisdom—a goal to pursue until your end of days. Objective: don’t be a bread winner; be a bread maker. Knead that dough like it’s your purpose. Why? Because it is. I’ve decided. If you don’t believe me, consult the seriousness of Thursday Detention.