Recently, Ms. Kassar shared very sad news with the Westridge community: our beloved Upper School Head, the Harvard-educated, Abraham Lincoln fanatic, Mr. Gary Baldwin, would be leaving Westridge at the end of the year. While this news is certainly sad, Westridge must be swift in electing the new leader of Upper School.
The school recently sent out an email outlining their research and hiring process, but I think I can do that better. Here’s how I would appoint a new Head of Upper School:
REQUIREMENTS:
And if we find a candidate that fits all of these requirements, let me interview them with these questions:
Why do you want to work at an all-girls school? Do you believe in feminism? What do you think about misandry? How would you combat misandry at Westridge?
Uniform: yes or no?
Kanye or Drake? If the answer is neither, they’re a keeper.
What should we do with the new plot of land and why is it to build a SkyZone to boost Westridge’s endowment?
Should the Commons add more healthy or unhealthy options?
Do you support free speech?
We will deeply miss the Diet Coke guzzling Swiftie that is Gary Barry. However, as long as the next mafia boss of Upper School fits these criteria and answers these questions correctly, they will definitely patch up the Gary-shaped hole in our hearts.
The school recently sent out an email outlining their research and hiring process, but I think I can do that better. Here’s how I would appoint a new Head of Upper School:
REQUIREMENTS:
- Must be able to recite the Gettysburg Address from memory and have a strong understanding of the stock market (to honor Gary Baldwin)
- Regularly wear Birkenstocks that leave their toes bare
- Have attended high school. Not college, that’s classist.
- Liked their high school experience. We can’t have someone who was a lame high schooler leading other lame high schoolers.
- A minimum score of a 3 on the AP Computer Science Principles Exam
- An appreciation for the combination of eggs, bacon, and cheese.
- An appreciation for good comedy (Thursday Detention) and good journalism (Spyg-...Thursday Detention).
- Regularly uses Instagram Reels, but definitely TikTok or X.
- Be simultaneously intimidating yet paternal, again as an homage to Gary's vibe
And if we find a candidate that fits all of these requirements, let me interview them with these questions:
Why do you want to work at an all-girls school? Do you believe in feminism? What do you think about misandry? How would you combat misandry at Westridge?
Uniform: yes or no?
Kanye or Drake? If the answer is neither, they’re a keeper.
What should we do with the new plot of land and why is it to build a SkyZone to boost Westridge’s endowment?
Should the Commons add more healthy or unhealthy options?
Do you support free speech?
We will deeply miss the Diet Coke guzzling Swiftie that is Gary Barry. However, as long as the next mafia boss of Upper School fits these criteria and answers these questions correctly, they will definitely patch up the Gary-shaped hole in our hearts.
