Westridge to Increase Security after Physical Altercations at Yam Fest
by budderball
Victims of the Attack of Yam Fest signed a 2-month long NDA before they could speak to reporters at Thursday Detention. Now, they are free to tell their stories.
The 25th annual Yam Festival was particularly exciting. Not because of a great selection of Yam and Sweet Potato foods, (There wasn’t even any yam ice cream or yam boba this year!) but because of the multiple fistfights that broke out right on Madeline Courtyard. A leading factor contributing to these squabbles was the exceptionally poor crowd control this year. Tensions were high as students found themselves waiting on average 30% more time compared to previous years festivals. A simple not so sneaky line cut or an accidental push from a fellow student was enough to cause a full on large-scale beat down. In order to prevent next year’s Yam Fest from turning into a Yam Brawl, Westridge Administration is looking into hiring a Yam Festival Security Force specially trained in breaking up fights started by stressed-out teenage girls on a sugar high. Here are some anonymous testimonies from students who managed to survive this years violent turn of events:
“I had just taken the last ube donut when I turned around and saw a fist flying towards my face! I quickly ducked out of the way, but unfortunately this Westridge dad behind me got absolutely socked square in the face! I quickly ran away but I’m pretty sure they started brawling.”
“I think after the WPA moms started telling people there weren’t any lines at Yam Fest, things really started to fall apart. At first, it was just some juniors and seniors cutting in line to be with their friends, but then I was physically being shoved out of line by freshmen half my size trying to get yam latkes!”
“I’m going to be honest, most of the time I’m a pretty laid back person, but when I saw a brawl breaking out in the middle of Yam Fest, I knew I had to dump my plate and get in on the action. I immediately started throwing hands with this Westridge mom who wouldn’t give me seconds of yam fries even though they were mid af, and after whooping her ass I also managed to tackle this obnoxious kid who cut in front of me for a sweet potato muffin. I mean, she just completely ignored all law and order of Yam Fest for a SWEET POTATO MUFFIN! You’re joking! If you’re gonna cut in line at least cut for something good, like ube ice cream or something!”
Hopefully, next year we can peacefully collect our goodies without walking away with bruises the shades of yams. For now, beware of any functions with food. You never know whose ready to initiate a slap fight!
The 25th annual Yam Festival was particularly exciting. Not because of a great selection of Yam and Sweet Potato foods, (There wasn’t even any yam ice cream or yam boba this year!) but because of the multiple fistfights that broke out right on Madeline Courtyard. A leading factor contributing to these squabbles was the exceptionally poor crowd control this year. Tensions were high as students found themselves waiting on average 30% more time compared to previous years festivals. A simple not so sneaky line cut or an accidental push from a fellow student was enough to cause a full on large-scale beat down. In order to prevent next year’s Yam Fest from turning into a Yam Brawl, Westridge Administration is looking into hiring a Yam Festival Security Force specially trained in breaking up fights started by stressed-out teenage girls on a sugar high. Here are some anonymous testimonies from students who managed to survive this years violent turn of events:
“I had just taken the last ube donut when I turned around and saw a fist flying towards my face! I quickly ducked out of the way, but unfortunately this Westridge dad behind me got absolutely socked square in the face! I quickly ran away but I’m pretty sure they started brawling.”
“I think after the WPA moms started telling people there weren’t any lines at Yam Fest, things really started to fall apart. At first, it was just some juniors and seniors cutting in line to be with their friends, but then I was physically being shoved out of line by freshmen half my size trying to get yam latkes!”
“I’m going to be honest, most of the time I’m a pretty laid back person, but when I saw a brawl breaking out in the middle of Yam Fest, I knew I had to dump my plate and get in on the action. I immediately started throwing hands with this Westridge mom who wouldn’t give me seconds of yam fries even though they were mid af, and after whooping her ass I also managed to tackle this obnoxious kid who cut in front of me for a sweet potato muffin. I mean, she just completely ignored all law and order of Yam Fest for a SWEET POTATO MUFFIN! You’re joking! If you’re gonna cut in line at least cut for something good, like ube ice cream or something!”
Hopefully, next year we can peacefully collect our goodies without walking away with bruises the shades of yams. For now, beware of any functions with food. You never know whose ready to initiate a slap fight!
