With the holidays and break over, I thought we poo tickets could reflect on all the interesting family experiences. Over my break, I realized my family members are kooky little Midwesterners with the best lines in this matrix universe. So, to bless your ears and cleanse your juice, I thought I would share them with you. 


1945 birth certificate has no sex
Grandma: “I was ahead of the time.” 

Drunk Aunt: “Now this is not Thanksgiving. They’re making a green salad.”

Mother: “Wait, do you guys want to watch Croods 2?”

My Daughter: “I’m expensive.”

*Making a simple gingerbread house* 
Student 1: “This is seriously concerning.”
Student 2: “It’s calling to me!”
Student 1: “No, it’s not calling to you. It’s rejecting you.”
Later
Student 1: “I’m going to be the reason this all comes together.”

Grandma: “They’re not nuns, they're people.”

Father: “I use all kinds of F-words.”

Making her dog speak
Drunk Aunt: “I love homosexuals.”

My Daughter: “Take a picture of these dogs.” (Not the Animal)
​

Drunk Aunt: “You need to squirt better.”