Disclaimer: all quotes, stories, and claims made in this article are fictional.
Today we will be rating three very distinguished and fictitious Westridge alumni.
First, we have Victoria Beckham. Posh Spice of the Spice Girls, wife of the soccer star David Beckham, and luxury clothing designer, Victoria has made quite the name for herself since her humble beginnings at Westridge School in Pasadena. You might ask: why does everyone believe she is British? In response, I will direct you to our reporting on Mrs. McGregor’s accent, which thoroughly explains this phenomenon. You can find the article here.
Life of Impact Score: 9/10 (score reduced for failure to become a woman in STEM)
The second is Matilda Tiger. You thought that name was made up when it appeared on all the college resumes in the Jumpstart Workshop, but you were Wrong. Ms. Tiger lives on in Westridge’s history as the most broadly talented student to attend the school. She participated in every single club offered at the time and ran eight affinities her senior year (hence the need for multiple resumes). She played three sports per season, and affectionately calls Westridge her “home away from home.” But where did she go? Since graduating from Westridge, Tiger has been impossible to track down, even with the help of the all-powerful networking program Westridge Connect. What became of her incredible ability to multitask? Sources say we may never know.
Life of Impact Score: 3/10 (score reduced for disappearance and lack of influence in broader community)
Lastly, I would like to acknowledge Natalie Fields. Her Westridge legacy is significant because she manages to encompass every characteristic of the average Westridge girl. She doubled in English her junior year and in history her senior year. She earned straight Bs except she always got As in humanities courses. She dropped Latin her senior year out of spite. Fields was known at Westridge for asking for toothbrush donations for her CAP at every town meeting. She went on to major in World Literature at Sarah Lawrence, where she met her dear wife Alex. They co-chaired GSA meetings together, often discussing the importance of social commentary in art, the role of Birkenstocks in modern fashion, and the depth of flavor of oat milk. Fields used her trust fund money to found a small bookstore in Connecticut. She claims that her goal in life is to “inspire future generations of intersectional feminists.”
Life of Impact Score: 14/10 (her averageness transcends boundaries of time)
Today we will be rating three very distinguished and fictitious Westridge alumni.
First, we have Victoria Beckham. Posh Spice of the Spice Girls, wife of the soccer star David Beckham, and luxury clothing designer, Victoria has made quite the name for herself since her humble beginnings at Westridge School in Pasadena. You might ask: why does everyone believe she is British? In response, I will direct you to our reporting on Mrs. McGregor’s accent, which thoroughly explains this phenomenon. You can find the article here.
Life of Impact Score: 9/10 (score reduced for failure to become a woman in STEM)
The second is Matilda Tiger. You thought that name was made up when it appeared on all the college resumes in the Jumpstart Workshop, but you were Wrong. Ms. Tiger lives on in Westridge’s history as the most broadly talented student to attend the school. She participated in every single club offered at the time and ran eight affinities her senior year (hence the need for multiple resumes). She played three sports per season, and affectionately calls Westridge her “home away from home.” But where did she go? Since graduating from Westridge, Tiger has been impossible to track down, even with the help of the all-powerful networking program Westridge Connect. What became of her incredible ability to multitask? Sources say we may never know.
Life of Impact Score: 3/10 (score reduced for disappearance and lack of influence in broader community)
Lastly, I would like to acknowledge Natalie Fields. Her Westridge legacy is significant because she manages to encompass every characteristic of the average Westridge girl. She doubled in English her junior year and in history her senior year. She earned straight Bs except she always got As in humanities courses. She dropped Latin her senior year out of spite. Fields was known at Westridge for asking for toothbrush donations for her CAP at every town meeting. She went on to major in World Literature at Sarah Lawrence, where she met her dear wife Alex. They co-chaired GSA meetings together, often discussing the importance of social commentary in art, the role of Birkenstocks in modern fashion, and the depth of flavor of oat milk. Fields used her trust fund money to found a small bookstore in Connecticut. She claims that her goal in life is to “inspire future generations of intersectional feminists.”
Life of Impact Score: 14/10 (her averageness transcends boundaries of time)